(embarrassing) STORY TIME!
over the summer, i was on my way to Utah from Ohio. the flight from Atlanta to Salt Lake had been about as fine as an economy seat in the last row could go. i was in the isle seat, and my isle-mates were a very sleepy and snore-y gangster and a grumbling old woman (whose thighs were spilling over onto my seat...i think i was emotionally scarred after that flight.)
now, i'm not usually one to make friends with people in airports and planes. i keep to myself, my laptop, and my gummy worms. but, i do enjoy seeing other people interact. there's something so funny about strangers getting to know each other. all through my flight, the 3 old men in the isle next to mine were chatting it up, talking about the good ol' days, wars, and grandkids. ya know, old person stuff! i thought it was super cute, because, as we all know, old people are adorable, like those wrinkly puppies from those laundry detergent commercials!
towards the end of the flight, their conversation turned to "kids these days." how young people don't appreciate the value of a good education, a good meal, and basically anything good. i sat there smiling, thinking, "PSSSHT! i'm a kid these days and i appreciate everything! LOOK, i don't even have a CELL PHONE!!!"
the plane soon landed, but, being the last row of a big plane, we were stuck for a while. so, i gathered up my stuff and stood in the isle to stretch the legsies out. that's when things took a turn for the worse.
THEY NOTICED ME. i was young! i was rosy-cheeked! i was innocent! i was a perfect candidate to prove their point about "kids these days."
"young lady, do you know who Neil Armstrong is?" Old Man 1 asks. there's no escaping now...
"YES!" i say. because, hey, I DID! "he's the rocker dude from a long time ago!"
*cue 3 old men laughing their wrinkly faces off in a "oh-you're-so-funny" kind of way*
i laugh along. i guess Neil Armstrong is funny? "YES!" i think, "he MUST be funny! HA HA HA."
Old Man 1 continues. "Now, young lady, what are the first 10 Amendments to the Constitution called?"
CRAP! THEY GOT ME! i may be in AP United States History, but, i mean, i was UNDER PRESSURE here!
"the...umm...the...the...
thing....wtih...the...umm.....presidents???" ( i try to smile so that my dimples are extra noticeable. )
the dimple trick must have worked! the old men felt sorry for me.
"the bill of rights, young lady. the BILL OF RIGHTS!" Old Man 1 tells me. i had only known him 3 minutes and i already felt like i had let him down! old people have that effect, you know. after all, they had JUST been talking about how "kids these days" don't know a thing. i was proving them right, gosh darnit!
now disappointed in me, Old Man 1 asks, "what college do you go to?"
"i'm still in high school" and added mentally, WHAT CHOO GONNA DO ABOUT IT SON?!?
Old Man 1 won't give up. "well, what state do you live in?" he asks.
"i don't live in the United States." I answered. HA!
Then Old Man 2 chimes in and says, "AW! she GOT YA THERE, Frank!"
Why yes, yes i did.
"WELL!" Old Man 1 says, "I was a high school history teacher for 20 YEARS! where do you live?"
"Costa Rica?" I answer kindof questionably, wondering where this conversation will lead...
"well WHAT are you doing THERE?!" Old Man 3 asks.
"oh, my dad works for the Peace Corps," i say all cool-like, because let's be honest, it's preeeeetty cool.
then all the 3 Old men go "ohhhhhhh!" at the same time, as if they've just seen some beautiful shiny thing pass by the window.
"so, you know Spanish then?" Old Man 1 asks.
"por supuesto que si!" i answer, just to prove my point that i DO, in fact, know spanish (i actually suck at speaking, but THEY didn't need to know that!) luckily my accent was spot on. they didn't suspect a THING.
suddenly the last 5 rows of the plane were enthralled by our conversation.
and then the history questions began again. "who was the President that started the Peace Corps?!" Old Man 1 asks in an interrogating-like voice. he thinks i don't know...well won't HE be surprised!
"President John F. Kennedy!" i exclaim. i almost added "IN YO FACE!" but decided against it. respect for the elderly, and all.
"WELL!" says Old Man 2. "WHO was the first Peace Corps directOR" he enunciated the OR in director, trying to be all fancy-like.
"Sargeant Shriver!" i say. i was ON. A. ROLL. these old men couldn't trick me! i KNEW my Peace Corps history. my mind was sharp, baby! (but really the only reason i knew that was because he had recently passed away...)
then the old woman with the thighs who had been sitting next to me added, "veryyy gooood!"
"WHAT..." Old Man 1 asks, "is the Peace Corps's annual budget?!?"
luckily, Old Man 3 saves me from this one by saying "TOO LITTLE, that's what!"
*cue more old man laughter, and now laughter from the recently-enthralled back rows of the plane* oh, Old Man 3, you're so funny.
then the Old Men get solemn. "Well," they say, "Peace Corps does some great things."
"they do!" i say. because it's true. and then i look to see if it's our turn yet. nope, but only about 15 more rows until it IS.
"NOW, young lady," Old Man 1 says all business-like. "let's get back to Neil Armstrong. your joke was funny, but really, WHO IS HE?"
CRAP. Neil Armstrong. he's a rocker! he plays guitar! WHO ELSE COULD HE BE?!?
then i think, wait. Old Man 1 is a history teacher. a Neil Armstrong rocker, while legendary, wouldn't exactly be in history books. it felt like everyone was holding their breaths. i was either going prove the 3 Old Men right, and show them that "kids these days" really DID know nothing, or i was going to prove them wrong. THE WEIGHT OF THE YOUTH OF THE WORLD WAS ON MY SHOULDERS.
then it came to me, like a beacon of light. 2 words. MOON. WALK.
"OH!" i say. "HE...is the dude who walked on the moon!" i didn't even give away that the whole time, i had legitimately thought Neil Armstrong was a guitar playing rocker.
it was joyous. i heard crowds screaming, going wild for the girl who had proved the Old Men wrong. i had given "kids these days" a chance in this world. it was all because of ME!
The Old Men and surrounding rows of people laughed and chuckled, thinking that i had known who Neil Armstrong was ALLLL along. to them, i was just the clever teenager who was joking around with the 3 Old Men, completely aware of historical figures and old rock stars.
it was finally the last row's turn to get off the plane.
"Well," Old Man 1 says, "God Bless you and your family for what you're doing!"
"aww, well, thank you! bye guys!" i say.
as much stress and pressure as Old Man 1 had put on me, it was the most eventful 10 minutes i had ever had de-boarding a plane. i was so tempted to yell "and GOD BLESS THE UNITED STATES OF AMERICA" and then do a salute, accompanied by my cheesiest and best grin. but i didn't. i just trotted on down the isle, thanked the flight attendants, and made my merry way down to luggage claim.
i pulled off tricking the 3 Old Men into thinking i knew what i was doing all along. but i guess in the end, it worked. i will always remember who Neil Armstrong is.
a guitar playing rocker...who walked on the moon.
